Things You Will Probably Never Say,That I Have Had to Say…

1. No Ma’am there’s not a discount on the dollar buckets just because you buy 10
2. Each bucket comes with one handle sir, I am not trying to cheat you
3. It is 11pm at night, but sure come on and get some buckets; I can’t sleep anyway.
4. Yes sir I should be nicer to my driver and pay him enough to get a half way decent phone
5. This is the end of the buckets we will try to get more.
6. Yes they do come with sealable lids with seal in the lids.
7. I don’t know if 200 can fit in your minivan or not, really?
8. You’re coming from Rolla? Just bring 44 in to exit 277B.
9. I am one Block away from the police station and 2 blocks from Amtrak
10. I have no guarantees about the jalapeno smell

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Determined- One foot In Front Of The Other

I have been so preoccupied with this house and wanting to be more organized and slowly getting there. I have a lot of paper work to finish up before the end of the month.

Every time I think I am going to get caught up and be ahead of everything, these extra projects come up. This week was accepting two trailers filled with oak logs for my landlord. All I had to do was wait on the delivery, but there’s more to it than that.
It’s awful hard for me to hear when someone shows up, especially since front door is where someone has their room. Then I picked up two pallets for the logs to be stacked on.

I am working on getting back on devotions as they have suffered as well as I did not make it to my Bible Study again as taking care of stuff here at home and a nurse visit from home health. I am slowly working to pay off other debts and hope to better at being creative enough, to pay off a very old debt. Actually, two very old debts.

I am not doing so badly this year debt wise and that’s because of some generous gift from a friend which even started me on my renewed life. There’s no room in my life for excessive debts and it may take a long time but I will be debt free one day before I die.

There are things weighing heavy on my heart. I am doing what I can to help be supportive of really everyone in this house and some of their situations bring me to tears behind closed doors. We have had to get past some rough patches, but the miracle is, we have done exactly that.
The other night was a hoot as we played musical parking spaces in the driveway making room for the truck and trailer to deliver the oak logs for the next morning. Trying to park five vehicles in our drive way can be very challenging, but it was accomplished.

So while I share all of this and more that I have shared, it is very challenging dealing with keeping track of what I eat and rehabilitative therapy on my own, when the professionals aren’t here with me. So I sit here and I look around and even though there is still a lot to do, I see my determination.

I am grateful to all my friends and family who support, pray, have good thoughts and want nothing but the best for me. I want that today and I am working towards it all. A step at a time.

Lord God, Thank you for helping me through each day. Thank you for your love mercy and grace. Thank you for special friends, family, and professionals you have sent in my path to help me heal. Bless them all. I ask for help, comfort, guidance and strength for all. For those struggling for answers that they would find their answers in you. You are such a Gracious God to turn my complaints and whines into blessings. Thank you for this time to breathe and really feel You are with me.

For all these things we give you the honor and praise for In The Name of God our Creator Father who parents us Jesus our Redeemer Savior and Friend The Holy Spirit who Comforts, Guides Protects us and Lives inside us Amen-

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What Do We Depend On?

Today was a very difficult day as I could not make it out of bed in time for services.

I am sure many have their own thoughts on this. However, since this is my blog, I will tell you I think this round has more to do with physical ailments, rather than emotional or spiritual ailments.

On a positive note I played today’s sermon as it was already uploaded. I really do love my church that I do get t attend. In fact I played it right before starting this entry because I really needed a message. It hit right on within me.

The sermon was titled The Unanswered Prayer of Jesus going back to The Garden Gethsemane. Then it turns into a question of what we depend on to get us through. You know The Prayer Jesus said …if it by thy will…if we are honest most of us would say through most of the week my will be done, until we get to church. (This is being said in general).

In this line of questioning; what do we do when the cyclone hits and our things of dependence are taken away house, car, loved ones, bank accounts, etc.? But let’s cut to the chase, Jesus knew what He was to do but it had meant being away from the connection of His Father. That same connection that grants us new life with The Father because of Jesus Christ.

Lord God I come before you asking for restoration among families among your children and yourself and those yet to come and restoration of health. God so often we ask for our own will or not even coming to you at all and just demanding our will because we think it’s ours to have. How wrong and foolish of us to think so. Lord remind us that we need you every second of every moment of every hour of every day, in all that we ask and praise you for.

In the Name of God our Creator Father who parents us, Jesus Our Redeemer savior and friend, The Holy Spirit who Guides’ comforts and lives inside us Amen-





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My Corner


So I couldn’t get to sleep last night. The more I tried to force myself to lay on the bed, the more I coughed. At 3:54 a.m. I gave up sleeping all together.
I finally hung up some pictures I printed off for my motivation corner. Well, actually I added three as two of them were already there from like a few weeks ago.
Now that I’ve taken the wrong cold medicine I am getting sleepy
God Bless you all !

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I Am Not Giving Up!

This week I have experienced times of feeling stuck and things getting harder. I am getting better in spite of it all.

Now it’s all about:
Compression pumps
Diet – eating life style
Blood sugars
Small exercise
Emotional and spiritually betterment as well
One dressing that I Change top layer on daily
Blogging- It helps me focus (I have to just yell at myself sometimes just to do it, as crazy as that may be.)
Bible Study
Sunday School

I made it to church this week and it was wonderful. I didn’t make it to Sunday school. To me it was just amazing to make it to the service on time. The sermon was titled, “A Harsh Reply to False Advertisement.” It had me thinking on my life and the importance of being honest when I am out in the open and behind closed doors too.

We cannot live a life beating ourselves up each time we miss the mark, but there has to be some point we can reach, where we don’t always miss the mark either. Even in our brokenness there will always be more to learn; but surely some lessons have been learned along the way!

I’ve got enough to keep me busy.

The above was put together from last week through this past Sunday!
I am proud that I got some immediate paper work finished and in the mail. The hardest part of some days is getting out of bed long enough to be productive.

Today I put one thing in practice. I was very tempted to react to something and by the time I opened my door I said I am not going to freak out. I said this out loud because everyone is used to me just reacting with screaming. But I have taught people that, by the way I do react ; so we were all surprised and relieved I held it together and refused to blame any one person or even the group etc.

I have a lot to get done; however, I don’t feel stuck this week because things are changing and some are moving right along.
There’s more to say but it will have to wait, as I am in a time crunch to get more things done and learning to rest, really rest is one of those things.

Lord, I lift up friends and family and all people, I ask that You bless them in the ways you can fill their needs and whatever wants you choose to bless them with. Draw us close to you Lord and help us to remember to ask you for help in our brokenness and struggle that we would declare victory over weaknesses because of your strength working through that we would bring you Glory!

In The Name God our Creator Father who parents us Jesus Our Redeemer Savior and Friend The Holy Spirit who Comforts us Guides us and Lives inside Us Amen-

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Man, Some Days Are Hard!

Even though my life doesn’t feel like it is changing as much, it still is changing. The trudge is harder but I have the endurance I just need to scream once in a while so I can hear I am still breathing, I think.

Right now this journey looks like one of those heart monitor thing-a ma-things. I’ve learned a lot so far just because you may be saved from yourself doesn’t mean you still don’t get in the flesh. It is so easy to sit back and judge others until you have to walk in their shoes. Youre still going to get hurt and you are probably still going to hurt people along the way. Just don’t forget to stop and make amends and do the best you can.

I am not going to sit here and tell you I’ve been praying real deep and meditating on scripture throughout the day. I have been praying for myself for friends and family because we get hurt along our journey no matter who we are. I have yet to hear, “Thus saith the Lord… Your life is going to be painless and free from this moment forward.”

Ive cried tears with people over the phone and internet and just alone crying out saying God I don’t get it, and His reply not everyone is a friend or wants you to have the best. Quit wearing your feelings on your sleeve. What you’re living is not a dress rehearsal! Don’t let anyone lie to you and tell you it is! It’s hard, but you do it, you live it, and somehow you tie a knot and hang on! Even in the wrong we do on a daily basis or the right we ask God for help and thank Him for getting us through one more day!

He promises never to leave us or forsake us and even in sin if we ask for His forgiveness He’ll be there.
I guess if anything this where I will speak about my Dad. My dad was a man who believed in family and helping others. The one message he would always get across to the men he worked with was get right before the Lord Be the Man of God you’re supposed to be don’t be trying to fake God out, cuz you can’t do it.

I would say he was the same with his own children (my siblings and I), if we didn’t do what he asked first and went on some agenda of our own you could hear him, “Go do what I said first and don’t come to me until you have done it. Why won’t you just obey me?” Obedience is better than sacrifice in Gods world too.

Man, if you think I am preaching to you, you’re either wrong or you’re in the place I am and you just got the benefit of hearing what I needed to hear!

Things are going to get harder in this world …The journey is going to get tougher But I hear God saying Be of good courage stand on guard of your heart and don’t be led astray. Go for the prize, not just for the prize or because God just wants to give it you anyway but because of your love for God that He Loved us first.

Things I want to remember: my Dads love his direction and not mincing words. My Dads forgiveness and praying with our family and others, the way he truly loved my mom, and loved all his kids. God wants the best for me and so did my Dad.

My apologies to family if you cannot understand why I would mention Dad after his death, and speak of him on the internet I truly apologize but you have to know its because He Loved God and if one person benefited from hearing this experience of mine with Dad it was all worth it. He can’t just stay in my heart getting dusty like a book on a shelf.

God I come to you and ask that you help me be a better me, I ask for healing of brokenness in all of us who read this. Help us to Obey you Lord and thank you so much for your help and direction in The Name of God our Creator Father who Parents us Jesus our redeemer savior and Friend and The Holy Spirit who Lives inside us comforts and us Amen-

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Week Nine

Here I am, in week number nine. Consistency has been hard as life is messy. However, I made it back to church this week. That felt very good. I find any major change, maybe even minor change can allow me to veer off the path. I look forward to being better at bettering myself. I will not give up, no matter how hard the struggle is.

Every week, I have thought to myself; it will be easier to get on track. Every week, something new or multiple new things get thrown into the mix. There is no easy road for any of us. All though, I admit in the past, I have been fooled into thinking others had it easier, this simply is not true.

This week I had another procedure done on my legs and I am dealing with pain as well as being sick with a sinus infection.

*The above was written a few days ago but not published.

I didn’t know when I would get to get back to finishing this entry and hope I finish it tonight.

My life is not harder than anyone else’s; we just have different challenges. Car, no car. Money, no money. We all face things.

Tonight I virtually visited one of my closed mouth groups. I was brought to tears as I remember back a couple of decades ago some of the first humbling things I’d do. That was to call a half-way house every day and say Hi This is Michael Radin I am sober today and calling to check in I have been to some meetings and plan on another one today.

“No beds available Michael, stay sober and call back tomorrow.” I did that 90 days and got in a little bit after the New Year, one year. “We need to get ya to the hospital Michael, your whole body is infected with all kinds of bites and deep cuts.” My drinking is what took me here, years ago. It would take many more years before I really put together lasting time. Insanity took me back to the drink. Lack of community. Lack of confessing, thanking, praising, asking God for just one more day, and all his help!

But this is where the consistency or lack of it appears. I get on a good roll then I let people control me for a while then I get frustrated and so disoriented making bad moves, over worrying about things not on my path. So I am making a declaration to stop it now! It’s not easy but it is simple!

My short prayer is this: Lord with all the loose pieces we seem to have may we find how they fit together and Grant us direction and Peace in The Name God our Creator Father who parents us, Jesus our Redeemer, Savior and Friend, The Holy Spirit who comforts guides protects and lives inside us Amen-

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