Here I am, in week number nine. Consistency has been hard as life is messy. However, I made it back to church this week. That felt very good. I find any major change, maybe even minor change can allow me to veer off the path. I look forward to being better at bettering myself. I will not give up, no matter how hard the struggle is.
Every week, I have thought to myself; it will be easier to get on track. Every week, something new or multiple new things get thrown into the mix. There is no easy road for any of us. All though, I admit in the past, I have been fooled into thinking others had it easier, this simply is not true.
This week I had another procedure done on my legs and I am dealing with pain as well as being sick with a sinus infection.
*The above was written a few days ago but not published.
I didn’t know when I would get to get back to finishing this entry and hope I finish it tonight.
My life is not harder than anyone else’s; we just have different challenges. Car, no car. Money, no money. We all face things.
Tonight I virtually visited one of my closed mouth groups. I was brought to tears as I remember back a couple of decades ago some of the first humbling things I’d do. That was to call a half-way house every day and say Hi This is Michael Radin I am sober today and calling to check in I have been to some meetings and plan on another one today.
“No beds available Michael, stay sober and call back tomorrow.” I did that 90 days and got in a little bit after the New Year, one year. “We need to get ya to the hospital Michael, your whole body is infected with all kinds of bites and deep cuts.” My drinking is what took me here, years ago. It would take many more years before I really put together lasting time. Insanity took me back to the drink. Lack of community. Lack of confessing, thanking, praising, asking God for just one more day, and all his help!
But this is where the consistency or lack of it appears. I get on a good roll then I let people control me for a while then I get frustrated and so disoriented making bad moves, over worrying about things not on my path. So I am making a declaration to stop it now! It’s not easy but it is simple!
My short prayer is this: Lord with all the loose pieces we seem to have may we find how they fit together and Grant us direction and Peace in The Name God our Creator Father who parents us, Jesus our Redeemer, Savior and Friend, The Holy Spirit who comforts guides protects and lives inside us Amen-