Week Nine

Here I am, in week number nine. Consistency has been hard as life is messy. However, I made it back to church this week. That felt very good. I find any major change, maybe even minor change can allow me to veer off the path. I look forward to being better at bettering myself. I will not give up, no matter how hard the struggle is.

Every week, I have thought to myself; it will be easier to get on track. Every week, something new or multiple new things get thrown into the mix. There is no easy road for any of us. All though, I admit in the past, I have been fooled into thinking others had it easier, this simply is not true.

This week I had another procedure done on my legs and I am dealing with pain as well as being sick with a sinus infection.

*The above was written a few days ago but not published.

I didn’t know when I would get to get back to finishing this entry and hope I finish it tonight.

My life is not harder than anyone else’s; we just have different challenges. Car, no car. Money, no money. We all face things.

Tonight I virtually visited one of my closed mouth groups. I was brought to tears as I remember back a couple of decades ago some of the first humbling things I’d do. That was to call a half-way house every day and say Hi This is Michael Radin I am sober today and calling to check in I have been to some meetings and plan on another one today.

“No beds available Michael, stay sober and call back tomorrow.” I did that 90 days and got in a little bit after the New Year, one year. “We need to get ya to the hospital Michael, your whole body is infected with all kinds of bites and deep cuts.” My drinking is what took me here, years ago. It would take many more years before I really put together lasting time. Insanity took me back to the drink. Lack of community. Lack of confessing, thanking, praising, asking God for just one more day, and all his help!

But this is where the consistency or lack of it appears. I get on a good roll then I let people control me for a while then I get frustrated and so disoriented making bad moves, over worrying about things not on my path. So I am making a declaration to stop it now! It’s not easy but it is simple!

My short prayer is this: Lord with all the loose pieces we seem to have may we find how they fit together and Grant us direction and Peace in The Name God our Creator Father who parents us, Jesus our Redeemer, Savior and Friend, The Holy Spirit who comforts guides protects and lives inside us Amen-

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Eighth Week Renewed

I am coming to the end of the 8th week of my renewed life. It has been a roller coaster ride. Full of highs, lows, twists, turns and circles, back tracking and definitely wanting to back pedal at times.

I was so out of tune with a regular schedule I missed Church last week, and let me tell you, I truly hated missing it. I also missed the Men’s Bible Study… but the meds and appointments were too much on me.

I have not written in so long. Well when a week passes without me really writing significantly, that’s a long time for me!

I have a few friends and family members who are stepping away from their technology for a few days. I personally think these breaks are needed and sometimes happen to us if we don’t take those breaks often enough.

Here lately, I don’t always hear my phone I refuse to carry it on my person all the time. I set it in a general. I do my laundry I definitely do not carry it into the bathroom with me to carry on a conversation. I like being alone in the bathroom. Let me also say I prefer you to take your constitution in privacy too!

I do feel horrible if I am watching your house and dogs and miss your calls; but know that I will get back to you. Even if it is 3 hours later! Hahaha (ok maybe not so funny! Where could he be; is he lying dead on the floor somewhere?)

Okay, moving on. Last week spending 3.5 hrs in a diabetes education class and I have homework. I am not getting a degree! It’s due a week from today. So I guess I better get reading up and start it today, as well as finish paper work; it’s never done and neither straightening this room or the laundry.

The fatigue has gotten to me big time. I have to realize I can’t do everything the way everyone else wants me to. Its my responsibility to make them aware of the limitations I have right now. No one else can be my best advocate, except me.

I am ending prayer a lil different as I remember all who have laid down their life this week and those having loved ones just taken from them.

Lord make me
an instrument of your peace

Where there is hatred,
Let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, Joy.

O Divine Master grant that I may
Not so much seek to be consoled
As to console;
To be understood,
As to understand;
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
And it is in dying that we are
Born to eternal life.

In God Our Creator Our Father who Parents us, Jesus our Redeemer Savior and Friend, The Holy Spirit who comforts guides us and lives inside us Amen-

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Seventh Sunday

The Seventh Sunday- Today was a remarkable experience. I am watching God move and have His being in my life on a daily basis. This just isn’t about Sundays only. It’s about Sunday through Saturday.

It’s just that today was awesome as I met with my new fellow church members and staff. I feel like I belong to this church and that there are people who once again are behind me wanting to see me succeed and who really love me.

We had a nice luncheon at a member’s home. I felt so passionate about claiming to be a regular attendee. It was really enjoyable I shared way more than I ever intended in a group setting. Oh and one the pastors used the word “dude” in the sermon and he has an accent, so that’s like 100 points in my book.

The other great thing was just knowing The Holy Spirit was in that house and two or three pastors praying for me on my way out the door for my procedure tomorrow. Things are still looking up and change is on the way too, there’s always more changes coming up, get used to it, Michael.

I feel God preparing my heart, but how to just swing with everything is just to plunge into it all. One thing for sure is if we are breathing there is some baggage with us and it even gets comfortable, not that we are comfortable, it’s just that added stress we have gotten used to. But I think God is preparing me to let go of some big hurts in my life. While I profess I have let go, there’s way more for me to let go of.

In order to fully receive we must let go. God please catch me. My heart is full of thanksgiving.

God my heart is so full of thanksgiving. The brokenness you have and are truly mending with in me. For all of us spiritually hungry looking for your bread of life and needing the extra comfort at times. Thank you for always putting the right people in our path at the right times. For those need physical warmth and shelter that you would show each of us how to be an answer for that for those in need.

Lord when we are lost and feeling the grief of loved ones passed on that we would remember you are in control. That we would find comfort. Lord, thank you for helping us to remain teachable and open to new ways that are your ways. Lord that we would be ready for your plans for us and determined to follow no matter what.

For these requests and praises and blessings too numerous to count we thank you In the Name of God Our Creator and Father who parents us Jesus Our Redeemer Savior and Friend, The Holy Spirit who comforts protects and guides us who lives inside us Amen-

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

All Things Are Possible

This was the sixth week of church services I attended. It was good. I also attended Sunday-School as well as attending the Men’s Bible Study on Tuesday Mornings and hope to go again tomorrow morning.

I was doing my devotions today and I came across part of my devotion about Gods Word (The Holy Scriptures) and the four things that come from His Word: Power, Healing, Direction, and Freedom. Immediately, the verse about the fact: “Apart from Me you can do nothing” came to mind.

Then it just didn’t stop there. I started thinking about the arguments from others that they did this or that. But Then I heard the Lord ask but in those changes is there love and at what point of impact on others does it have and is that impact for the Good?

It also got me thinking about the fact that we way over use the word love. We use it to describe our fondness of food and things more so than our companionship with people. I am saying I am just as guilty. It’s one of the leading causes for most of us living outside our means. I gotta have this or that. If I just had this, my world would be perfect.

I was thinking about this last week man a friend of mine rented a car, and he paid toad me on as second driver, man on the interstate I was like wow so much car, so powerful, wishing it was spring like day and could imagine a sun roof some nice shades hair blowing in the wind big gulp and me flying down the highway (strictly fantasy) ask him he’ll tell ya I did 65 most of the way he was always looking for me to catch up but a few times I got over 80. Oh yeah and it was at night and no beach anywhere nearby.

When greed talks there is no power or healing and the direction you are going is down and you’re in bondage with payments weighing you down and you’ll never see day light again. But you see changes that stick, agree with His Word. They have power, healing, direction, and freedom.

I know a couple who have cut sugar and carbs from their diet. They are receiving power, healing, direction and freedom. They aren’t tied to a doctor or going in every month to get something fixed so it must be working.

So maybe God is preparing my heart for it. I do know for right now I am taking a mixture of things and using those disciplines moderately so I am not trying to change ten things at once.

Lord, we thank you for everything, because of you all things are possible and nothing can be done apart from you. I lift the homeless and those need shelter food and warmth.

Those who are sick in body soul and spirit. Those racked with grief and that you comfort them and help them through this sad time in their lives. Lord for family and friends and those who just need some joy and comfort. For those who are just tired and need a break.

Lord, we thank you for all the blessings to many to count and fill our cup over flowing. For this days bread we ask our portion be in God our Father who Parents us our Creator who made us , Jesus Our redeemer savior and friend, The Holy Spirit who comforts guides us and lives inside us Amen-

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Keeping It Real

I have been putting off blogging a lot more this week for one reason, time constraints, and two: I never want to profess to have a handle on something I don’t, or be a fake.

It’s going on six weeks into the new life and the old keeps popping up. What I do find, is everyone has similar struggles. But this isn’t about them, it’s about me. Trying to make strides and achievements in this new walk of life; there are so many distortions of the truth and distractions I can’t seem to make a clear path. Not on my own, anyway.

The biggest struggle is not allowing things to steal my peace and joy. Yesterday Morning I was so fuming over something that would seem insignificant and maybe is but my feeling was once disregard for what was mine. So I felt a need to express that. The problem began when I felt like a dragon, fire just coming out of my ears and mouth. I wanted to be heard and noticed.

The change for me was when I was in my mood, it was like anything I read, would have bold tags on it with a white back ground framed in, almost flashing. I know it sounds weird, just go with it. For instance the word “stealing” …

Then I just felt the Lord ask, ‘how much time are you going to let this take away from Us? Then came a second question, “Really Mike, you’re going to let it steal your peace and joy?” Then came the words, “You are wrong.” My response; whatever!

Romans 12:3,18 ESV 3For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.
18If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

I guess the point here is, temperance with not being a doormat. But I need to add, just saying the right words at the time isn’t passing the obstacle. Because our thought life is just as important; because no matter what we may speak in words, whatever is in our heart, is being spoken as well.

Lord, obviously your grace is needed every day. In word, thought, and deed. Thank you for a new day. Thank you that Your Word has a solution for everything, though we may not like the answer at the time. Help us to be accepting of your help.

Lord be with those who need shelter, food, warmth, and help them to be able to have those things. Be with those grieving and those who are in pain of all kinds. Those who are in sickness and have diseases of all kinds.

Lord for all the blessings you give us too numerous to count. We ask these things in God The Father who parents us who created us, Jesus Our Redeemer savior, and friend, The Holy Spirit Who guides, protects and comforts us Amen-

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Fifth Week at Church

I have attended 5 weeks of Church so far. I am really excited in spite of things maybe doctrine wise I may not agree with, I see a true mission in this church. One that happens to align with my own mission this year. So all though this is not the 6th week, I plan on being a regular attendee.

I thought I was going to get a lot of stuff done for me this week. I have to make my bedroom into an office/supply room. I have year-end stuff to do and devotions have been slacking. I remembered to eat today around 430pm because, I had not ate since 7pm last night.

My renewed life is working, just not perfectly. I can say, I am suiting up and showing up for the game plan. I’d say the subject this week is strategic organization and planning. In the past, I had stuff that looked okay on paper, but actions spoke louder.

There are so many good things, that I hate bad stuff popping up and being in the middle of it. I want to be happy for the good things going on in my life. Maybe they have not produced fruit yet, but I see good things finally. Anyone who knows me at all, knows that is an absolute miracle.

I shared in other places about falling down the stairs Friday. The Home Health Nurse said that I was causing her hours of paper work jokingly, but yes once they hear of it, it has to be reported. I do not remember saying one four-letter word. That’s a miracle to me! Right leg has pain, some bruises; man, what a miracle nothing broke!

This Tuesday, I am definitely trying for the Men’s Bible Study. Sleep, exercise, eating, devotions, quiet time, reading the word, and water; those are key factors in regulating them so I can continue on a good path. Also my friend Clarey and I are praying for each other and Penny too, that we remember No is a complete sentence and that we hold ground.

God is good, even when I am not.

Lord I come to you and lift up all those who have suffered loss again and many grieving. I lift up to you the children of this world both born and unborn. I lift up to you the homeless, the ones who are lonely, cold, needing, warmth, food, shelter and clothing. I lift up to you the shut ins who have no contact at all. I lift up to you those who may not know you and that they would see that found them and wrapped around all of them.

There are so many blessings like your love, shelter, comfort, joy, peace, faith and hope. There are too many blessings to count in all the different ways you have intervened on my behalf. Please help me now to stay near and not drift in The Name of God The Father who Parents us Our Creator, Jesus, Our Redeemer savior, and friend, The Holy Spirit who guides protects and comforts, and who lives inside us Amen-

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

God Bless The Broken Road

God Bless the broken road. I sit here in the wee hours this morning with the same thought going over and over in my head. “It’s okay to not be perfect!” It doesn’t excuse bad behavior, ever. Being in the middle of change is challenging.

As I had a meltdown the diastolic of my blood pressure raised higher than anyone liked. I apologized for my wrong and now, I am moving forward. While in the middle of this challenge life is messy. My brokenness is crystal clear before me.

The night is quiet. I woke up at 11PM and have not been able to go back to sleep since. So I decided to try and get my personal stuff in order. Since I have moved here, almost three years ago I had not done an update on personal files and all my identification and what little personal effects I have. So I am working on that.

I have hopefully set up short term transportation for late next month; I needed to try and figure out a better solution for transportation with Call A Ride which is a huge mess to go through, but it’s not so bad, now that I have a lot of the paperwork in order.

In the meantime, I am setting up with a company to at least make my doctors’ appointments, so I don’t have to stand waiting for a bus and my physical well-being put at risk. I should have my application in early next week.

Tomorrow night, I am possibly picking up my landlords truck. 3 cylinders working, hopefully the car guys will work on it over the weekend. So I have it by Monday Morning.

I am trying to set up part of my room as an office. I need more space. So, I have to create it. Every time I think I am going to get ahead with this room, something or someone else needs my attention more. It will eventually get done. I am on the right path.

I also want to take a moment and say, if you think I am avoiding you, I am not. Step into my shoes for a moment keeping up with individual doctors correlating the communication between three, home health nurse who comes in twice a week, selling buckets, cleaning house, oh and therapy once a week, balancing books, getting notices out, and seeing a dietician two or three times.

Plus I purchase the household supplies for cleaning and upkeep. Not to mention journaling and food diary, taking blood sugars, laundry has to be done at least twice a week.

Yes, I am on face book, because it’s my only chance to keep up with everyone and I am going to church and trying to incorporate some more social time. I love you, I am busy! Oh and anytime the owner has a worry my email is blowing up or phone or both. Yesterday, I explained to him the previous 48 hours, it’s starting to sink in, I think.

Thanks to my therapist placing references on my phone my email and phone blow up silently during the night. I definitely have my work cut out for me. Let’s do lunch in 2017 sometime haha

In closing, Lord, Thank you for the opportunities we get to grow in. Thank you for helping us along this broken road. I lift up the homeless to you, all those who are seeking something or possibly even seeking You, Lord. I lift up those who are heart broken and grief stricken from loss and displacement.

I lift up all the marriages and family relations of all kinds and ask that your work be done in them. For the suffering for the children everywhere, especially those in harm’s way. For everyone who has no voice that you would place the right people there to speak for them, especially our elderly people.

I lift up those stuck in impossible situations and see no way of breaking free from physical strongholds to things of addiction. Oh God help us to seek you and not cheap desires I fall so short myself.

Thank you for your Grace and mercy for all these things and more we ask in God our Father who parents us Our Creator who made us Jesus Our Redeemer Savior and friend, The Holy spirit who Guides protects comforts and Lives inside us Amen-

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments