Even though my life doesn’t feel like it is changing as much, it still is changing. The trudge is harder but I have the endurance I just need to scream once in a while so I can hear I am still breathing, I think.
Right now this journey looks like one of those heart monitor thing-a ma-things. I’ve learned a lot so far just because you may be saved from yourself doesn’t mean you still don’t get in the flesh. It is so easy to sit back and judge others until you have to walk in their shoes. Youre still going to get hurt and you are probably still going to hurt people along the way. Just don’t forget to stop and make amends and do the best you can.
I am not going to sit here and tell you I’ve been praying real deep and meditating on scripture throughout the day. I have been praying for myself for friends and family because we get hurt along our journey no matter who we are. I have yet to hear, “Thus saith the Lord… Your life is going to be painless and free from this moment forward.”
Ive cried tears with people over the phone and internet and just alone crying out saying God I don’t get it, and His reply not everyone is a friend or wants you to have the best. Quit wearing your feelings on your sleeve. What you’re living is not a dress rehearsal! Don’t let anyone lie to you and tell you it is! It’s hard, but you do it, you live it, and somehow you tie a knot and hang on! Even in the wrong we do on a daily basis or the right we ask God for help and thank Him for getting us through one more day!
He promises never to leave us or forsake us and even in sin if we ask for His forgiveness He’ll be there.
I guess if anything this where I will speak about my Dad. My dad was a man who believed in family and helping others. The one message he would always get across to the men he worked with was get right before the Lord Be the Man of God you’re supposed to be don’t be trying to fake God out, cuz you can’t do it.
I would say he was the same with his own children (my siblings and I), if we didn’t do what he asked first and went on some agenda of our own you could hear him, “Go do what I said first and don’t come to me until you have done it. Why won’t you just obey me?” Obedience is better than sacrifice in Gods world too.
Man, if you think I am preaching to you, you’re either wrong or you’re in the place I am and you just got the benefit of hearing what I needed to hear!
Things are going to get harder in this world …The journey is going to get tougher But I hear God saying Be of good courage stand on guard of your heart and don’t be led astray. Go for the prize, not just for the prize or because God just wants to give it you anyway but because of your love for God that He Loved us first.
Things I want to remember: my Dads love his direction and not mincing words. My Dads forgiveness and praying with our family and others, the way he truly loved my mom, and loved all his kids. God wants the best for me and so did my Dad.
My apologies to family if you cannot understand why I would mention Dad after his death, and speak of him on the internet I truly apologize but you have to know its because He Loved God and if one person benefited from hearing this experience of mine with Dad it was all worth it. He can’t just stay in my heart getting dusty like a book on a shelf.
God I come to you and ask that you help me be a better me, I ask for healing of brokenness in all of us who read this. Help us to Obey you Lord and thank you so much for your help and direction in The Name of God our Creator Father who Parents us Jesus our redeemer savior and Friend and The Holy Spirit who Lives inside us comforts and us Amen-