Reflections

Reflections – There is reflecting of light that makes shadows and can even make a small moth look like a huge blind bat coming straight for you. Like one did in the wee hours last night after I ducked trying to avoid it I had to laugh at myself.

There is reflecting of events that have taken place; and what led up to them, and what you’d like to see happen differently. What steps you are taking to make changes, so the unexpected (or expected) doesn’t happen again.

What can you do to change things immediately? This is really hard to answer in some cases. I keep trying to make changes some have stuck others haven’t it all takes time and persistence.

Today, I reflected some on how I needed to make changes with people and what I willing to do to change things and what I was willing to accept and what boundaries I needed to put in place for me. It’s a balancing act really. You have one set of boundaries ready to roll out like the red carpet , and here comes God with what I should have as boundaries.

In the end of reflection of all the good things and bad things alike …Don’t they all seem bigger than what they are? What were we scared of anyway?

“We Make it From Apathy to Change “

 

Healing Still Going On

I have been juicing blending all Raw Vegan with a couple of exceptions. About a week into it I did notice lots less swelling and lots less pain. I am all for it and I could not do it without support.

Some prayer and meditation. Lots of help, support, and encouragement from friends.

I was really sad to have let go of school for now. It wasnt all that hard to let go of when it came to the pain; But, it was hard when I considered it part of my dreams (and me being so dramatic), if my dreams were dying, well I was sure, I was too. I really was afraid of that and I cried in pain and all. Maybe with the way everything went down, it will give me more time to be prepared when I am ready to return to school.

I am having to make changes because I am finally waking up and realizing that when other people say I am worth saving and helping it means it’s time I love me and see myself worth helping and being saved. That means I have to do my part and be compliant.

Well, if any of you know me at all I am not a rule person. Well, emotionally and spiritually I am, with myself mainly. But other than that, no.

One of the biggest things I am finding in true healing is, forgiveness. It has to be part of the deal. Forgiving others and yourself. This in turn mean you have to be honest first. Its so easy to say, “I don’t have any unforgiveness.” That is, until you get honest with yourself.  Oh, and asking for forgiveness from  others to bury the hatchet, so to speak. (Contemplating how I go about this). Yeah, just do it. But its going to take some real thought in my words and actions both and being prepared to stand behind it so there’s no question from the injured party or parties.

I am getting better, a lil missing in action but hey, that’s just how it is for now.

Praying and Believing

Yes, I am going to introduce a topic here that some may feel uncomfortable with ,others may say “sure I pray and believe” and still others say “oh phooey that’s why we have doctors.” But really for me its a matter of faith and relationship even when its hard, when I have not always behaved so great. This last weekend I have been battling fevers, and them breaking and me sweating profusely. Yes, it has been hot but these were fevers.

After some experiences this past week and even reading healing scriptures and sleeping with music going that speaks about God and His Love. I finally decided to ask God to touch each part of me, and especially my mind. But, asking also to heal internal organs, blood, and shunts. After 21/2 hrs tonight in bed I suddenly felt more alert; And having more clarity than I have had in past 6 weeks, before all this real physical mess started to be so painful.

I am supposed to start a flush-cleanse for my system. I will when that works out for all interested parties. I thought it would start this weekend but other things seriously had to take place. I really am excited to start it.

My mind tries to tell me everything that I am losing and I am saying its got the best chance of me really becoming whole by doing it. Not just doing it, but taking it seriously as if my life depended on it.

I know that need to learn to eat. Unfortunately, that’s always been the problem not knowing how to eat.

I think of the phrase Jesus used, and that is man shall not live by bread and water alone. Food is not a recreation its supposed to be there to help sustain us. The other thing that goes with eating praying and believing is faith.

I finally heard a word that spoke to me about my faith. My faith alone is not enough to sustain me, it has to be God to help me with His Faith. His Faith was spoken and out of His faith was His word spoken that created, and in Him shall I have healing. But it means also with faith is action and stating over and over again the same things He said; Which makes Him pleased and only glad to help. When my heart is right and I am truly asking for help and not whining I believe He hears me. This is what I am still learning about. Maybe it will help someone else too.

I go see a doctor this week. I sure could use some prayers Thanks!

Healing and Health

I am on a new trend since the start of a setback in my health. I am really kind of excited since some things were literally placed in my hands this evening by a wonderful friend. A friend I chose to not name and one who believes within my possession is healing.

I got half way through a book this evening that was part of the gifts placed in my hands and while I may have some doubts whether I can trust this full process I want to do it badly enough to prove not just doctors and diseases wrong but also prove myself wrong.

I really want this healing and I believe that everyone else believes I can trust this process. Its a supplement program that will help my body heal itself . The biggest thing is my friend has had family members and close friends benefit from this in very positive ways! He also has had this work for himself.

So I have been asked what does Healthy Michael Look like:

a. Major weight loss

b. Back in school

c. Getting my degree

d. Back to work

e. Marathons like my friends have talked about for the past 2 years or more.

I believe that the author of the book and program really has had success with people dealing with health problems much graver than my own. Let me also note, I am still scheduling appointments with doctors.

Today I went to see a physical therapist/researcher with another friend as my support /advocate and note taker. He was awesome.

The things I have to improve on are commonsense with wound healing. The thing he was most happy with is me doing my dressings correctly and legs not being inflamed and swollen. Oh and most important when dealing with lower extremities was sensation tests. He proved I had very good sensation. Yeah, the thing I am not mentioning is the idea of quitting smoking and that’s just so hard for me to contemplate putting them down now and forever even 1 day at a time.

I think still cutting back and doing whats in front me nutrition wise is the track to take right now. Now that I have written everything. I feel compared to quitting smoking completely I can do this supplement thing standing on my head.  I really am excited about it.

So doing my appointments and doing my best to cut down  smoking more and doing everything else will really help I believe. Lets all watch this journey go forward as I take it.

“May we really cling  to the Giver of the True Bread of Life.”

Rockin Revival- Servant

Wow! I was so glad to find this album online.

Servant This will open to wikipedia which explains them better than I could. They were a Christian Rock Group really my whole family liked at the time.

My whole point in even mentioning the topic, was one of their songs. Its called “Isolated” That explained my whole life even at that point and part of it was I didn’t always know how to connect with others. I am better at it today.

I often alienated myself from everyone. When I no longer drank alcohol  or other things it was the worse I hated me and the whole world. I hated how fake everything had turned out. How Fake I had been. To be fair, also some churches were fake and some were just doing the best they knew how. Just like family’s no one’s perfect and I am sure we could go through and knit pick but the point is today reality is that I have found some more people to add to my life.

I am trying to be part of the solution in giving back today too! Sometimes we are so stuck in our own stuff we cant see anything past ourselves (Tunnel Vision)- There’s a cure for it… GO HELP SOMEBODY ELSE! – Wow!  Who knew that worked?  It does!

May You Be a Blessing to Someone and May you also Be Blessed!

Mid-term

Time is flying by really fast. I have finished 34.5 of my 35 hours required at Operation Food Search for my class. But It goes on to the end the semester. I really love it there. But there is more to my college journey other than  just volunteering time. But, its more than a class to me. Its my heart’s desire to help make an impact upon the world, as I know it.

This week, I am cramming for my algebra exam. The exam goes to my midterm grade, which is scary and  hopeful as well. So you may wonder why I have time to blog. I have the time; Because I am making the time to relax some more, before I start full force in notes homework and all this evening. I have barely had time to eat two oranges check messages and stuff. I know my human resources degree when I finally do accomplish it will go along way in any direction I take though I do know in more places they want Bachelor degree in Human Resources. But there are some sparse places that even take just the GED.

Most of the places that take a GED makes you a glorified baby sitter instead. I am looking forward to just getting through just this semester. Missing a lot of you but that’s the way it goes when you’re a student.

Much Love to All

 

 

A Bit Stretched

The past six weeks have been amazing for me. I am accomplishing things bit by bit, though afraid of being too confident when I think I know something. I am learning to definitely keep putting one foot in front of the other.

The college experience is a bit harder and challenging than maybe I expected, and I am so glad I only went with 6 credits this first semester. I may do that for the first few until I feel I can handle more.

I am grateful my mom and my friend Bernie and many more have been so supportive during this time. I really do know it’s a gifted time, as challenging as it may be.

I also started this month the sandwich ministry for the homeless.  The first time was so awesome and happy to have the first time under our belts. I am excited about the second time as well.

While at the same time I have been volunteering for Operation Food Search for one of my classes, I feel it has helped me be even more prepared and more knowledgeable in a way of keeping things safe as we help others.

The church I attend is starting to branch out some type of ministry at colleges among us undergrads and what Id like to do for now is wait and maybe see if I can handle that in the fall.

I just feel with me getting acclamated to college for the first time, sandwich ministry, and my community group and just making it to church besides daily home things I have a  full plate for now.

I also still have to keep up with wound center appointments which I put on a back burner, until next week. I do miss some of the more free time on my hands before, but over all I feel more accomplished and ready to really live life as much as I can.